I'm so fucking centered right now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
