so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
