Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
