worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
