Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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