Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
