I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
