Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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