just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The power of my boobs compel you
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
