My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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