In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
