Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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