Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
In America we eat man semen.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
