hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
