I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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