I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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