wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize