Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
