A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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