If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
