i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
