You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
