yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
