some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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