i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize