She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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