I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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