Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
