Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
