There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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