Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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