is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Mom said you looked used
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
