walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
