You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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