I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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