you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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