When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
