Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
