Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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