Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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