so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
