By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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