I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
