I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
