Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
