dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
