Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
