All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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