just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
