i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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