PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
