this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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