you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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