you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
