Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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