2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
