i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Actions speak louder than pants.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize