i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
