I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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