I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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