I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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