He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
