I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
