I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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