um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
