I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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