You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
