Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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