There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
