A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
